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Daily Mail Article


Click here to read the article.

Ah yes, another corker of an article released today about our lifestyle; full of misquotes and fabrications to make us look weird. Always take this type of thing with a pinch of salt and a smirk! 

Apparently we eat like they did in the Blitz (you know…powdered egg, rationed bacon, spam, pizza, tiramisu, korma…)

Betsy’s Bing and Peppa Pig toys are from an ‘erstwhile age.’

Kitten von Rew????
Oh and of course Betsy loves the wartime classics (?!), like this fairies book from 1950 for instance (blatantly on the front cover)…

The grammar is impeccable…if you aren’t fussed about punctuation and sentences making sense…

This wonderful image below was used in the article and not credited. It was taken by the talented Candee Photography!

As you can see from part of this email, I previously contacted the company about misquotes and other info. Some of it was taken onboard… I mean, they corrected my name.

Finally, thank you to Koray Erol the photographer. He did a great job on the day!

Meet and Greet and Lemurs (oh my!)


marie antoinette costume-kitten von mew

On Saturday last I was asked to do a meet and greet in my Mewy Antoinette and Songbird outfits for a fabulously Burlesque-Rococo Birthday party in a rather swish part of London. This camp and classy bash was held in a gorgeously elegant house with the best paintings I have ever seen and the most beautiful Rococo tapestry chairs. Argh. Gorgeous….

Annnnnyway. I got into my Mewy Antoinette corset and thanks to the weight gain, my ‘hubba hubba boom booms’ have inflated themselves enough to create a classic heaving bosom worthy of any 1970’s romance novel. Unfortunately Mr. Mew was banished to the dressing room and I only had the company of the hired clown and his Lemur, so was unable to recreate such passionate book covers.

It didn’t take long for me to become completely obsessed with Curtis, the 20 year old Lemur, people watching on Mr. Anon Clown’s shoulder.  His rabbit-like fur, beautifully large eyes and passion for dried cranberries…all I needed was the ‘GSOH’ and a date between us may have gone surprisingly well if I were not about to be wed.

I asked Mr. Clown whether I may have a photo of Curtis on my shoulder and before he could say “He doesn’t really like sitting on strangers”, the Lemur coolly walked onto his new perch and placed a territorial paw upon my chest (much like Brian Blessed planting his flag on the peak of Everest). And there Curtis stayed for an hour as we welcomed guests into the party wearing anything from a dinner suit to just the suit jacket. Some people noticed my furry parrot and others completely missed him and jumped when they realised they were stood next to a ‘wild animal.’ A lot of people thought poor Curtis was a monkey, which I liked to the fact some people think Canadians are American.

At 9.45 I changed into my Songbird costume, complete with pasties, to work the room, packed with gorgeous bodies of varied sexual preferences, these gorgeously groomed men and women were a sheer delight to prance around with and speak too; even the Birthday boy’s mother let her guard down and asked me to twirl my tassels!

kitten von mew corset lemur

Tis the Season to be a Wally…


I seem to have odd spouts of accidents at the moment. Yesterday I knocked my brain into the sink when I walloped my head on the corner of the kitchen cupboard door and an hour later smashed the glass salt seller too. I decided to vacate to the sofa lest I turn the light on and burn the house down.

After reassuring myself that hemming my knuckles with the sewing machine would be a highly unlikely situation I altered the rest of my beloved Heyday trousers to fit, mended 2 vintage dresses and watched Hart’s War with Mr. Mew; balancing an ice pack on my head.

It is most peculiar when you bosh your bonce. In horror movies, blood spurts out of the wound like an Italian courtyard fountain. This creates a visual spectacle equal to the pain. Although the pain was excruciating, there was no blood, no graze, no bump… nothing to show anyone why I was shouting ‘Ow’ other than holding my head and pointing at the cupboard door like a 3 year old. In fact I was so stunned I couldn’t even say owt.

I am sure as a child we were made of sponge balls.  I would have knock after knock; suffer bruised knees, picked scabs and fashion a plethora of first aid plasters, but after a quick hug from Ma and a loving squeeze I would bounce back ready for the next accident.  As an adult, I hit my head and I’m not able to do anything for half the flipping day. Where have my sponge balls gone?!?!

Pets are the Funniest Things…


My fish at work...yes that is an Easter Island head...

As many of you know, my family used to have 2 gorgeous cats called Rupert and Rosey who were larger than life characters. I adored having cats around, but unfortunately where I live now, we are not allowed any! The landlady has a huge dog who is so sweet and gentle, but she roams freely in the grounds and turns wicked when faced with felines apparently. So cats are not allowed. The pussycats had incredibly strong personalities. Rosey was an utter flirt, would shout and chatter to everyone and loved having men in the room. She loved rough play and there were many occasions where guests would look on in sheer horror as we pummeled her ribcage like a masseuse, whilst she dribbled and purred in appreciation. Rupert was a complete lap cat and had a bad habit of biting noses when he was younger. A pure ginger tiger with huuuuge padding paws, this was one mog who craved cuddles, food and plastic bags or wrapping paper to rustle around in. On so many occasions I half expect 2 furry friends to bound over to me as I come down the drive to visit my parents. I don’t think you ever get over losing pets you have known for so long.

I finally decided to get some fish as I have a little fish tank with 4 Minnows in it at work and love them to pieces (Churchill, Liz, Rommel and Miller). I bought a fish tank and added Dame, Vera and Lynn who didn’t seem to appreciate our efforts to keep them alive and happy at all. We decided to start again with 4 smaller Minnows – Dame II, Vera II, Lynn II and Glenn who have been living happily in their tank for 2 weeks. We decided to change 10% of the water so popped the top off and skimmed the top of the tank on Saturday. Sunday I was getting concerned as Glenn seemed to be missing in action and would not normally hide himself in the cave-like barracks at the back of the tank. After a lot of searching we discovered he seemed to have vacated the tank and neither of us could figure out how as we know we had not taken him out whilst changing the water. Late yesterday evening we discovered the mystery of Glenn Miller’s disappearance. Upon taking the top off of the tank and starting the cleaning process, the fish sometimes get a little over-excited and flick their tails at the surface. It seems that Glenn, in a moment of territorial vigour, had hurled himself out of the water. Inconveniently for him, he landed by the china cabinet instead of back into the tank and we found his body last night whilst watching King Kong. Twasn’t beauty that killed the beast it was stupidity. Poor Glenn.

To be honest, the girls seem relieved about his removal. Having regained the stage, they seem more full of life and colour as they swim around their submerged battle tank. One came to the glass and I am sure I saw her mouth ‘We’re back ladies!’

I came into the office this morning (I am a creative writer in the week at a gift company) and my work friend Becky had gained herself some chickens over the weekend. She discovered when they were dropped off that they were in fact a chicken and 2 cocks, so it looks like she will have eggs flying around like ping pong balls at a Thai lap dancing club. Im looking forward to the prospect of fresh poached eggs on the odd morning!

There is something very therapeutic about having pets, something to look after like a child, take your mind off of life’s problems. One of these days we will buy a place and get 2 kitty-cats, but until then Glenn (R.I.P), Miller, Dame II, Vera II, Lynn II, Liz, Rommel and Churchill are an absolute pleasure.

Star Wars Silliness…


This video was shot at Gaydon Heritage Motor Centre. I had just come up with a few new lyrics whilst we were sat having a cup of coffee, watching the rain coming down. In a caffeine fuelled dash of genius and lunacy, we went to the sci-fi exhibit and shot this little number. Not Albert Hall worthy, but hopefully someone will get a giggle out of it.